Old Spice

Timber anti-perspirant & deodorant had already proved its toughness by head-butting odor in the mouth, but it wasn’t satisfied. So it joined Old Spice’s Hardest Working Collection, became friends with the undesirable trees down the street, got a face tat, bought a motorcycle, moved into the woods, yelled loud words, kicked a boulder, didn’t cry, cut off all it’s own branches with a chainsaw—still not crying, then head-butted a snack machine. Wow, now he’s laughing. This really is the kind of tree you want to smell like.

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