Just woke up with a start and was thinking how can I write a blog post at 3:00AM without it sounding weird. Well, that already sounds weird so here is a list of the top things I do when abruptly interrupted from my much needed beauty rest. (Please note all of these are done while tip-toeing as not to wake up my sleeping beauty AKA – Teddy Brewski because once he starts barking, he will NEVER stop. Dogs don’t have internal alarm clocks. We are their clocks).
1. Pee - Don’t you? Usually the reason I wake up in the middle of the night. No other alternative except to get up and take care of business. I am too old for Pampers and too young for Depends. I will just have to deal with it.
2. Drink – I like to stick to non-alcoholic beverages especially in the wee hours. You know, I might need to drive soon or in 7 hours. Wee and pee?
3. Chow – My fridge directly communicates with my stomach via hi-tech noises referred to as “rumbling” or “growling” and they have an exclusive relationship at 3:00AM.
4. “OMG, what did I forget to do?” thoughts nagging at my brain – Well, this can vary to uber important tasks such as scheduling my nail appointment or facial to oh-shoot-I-didn’t-answer-the-email-from-the-President.
5. “OMG, what did I do?” thoughts nagging at my heart - This does not happen as often as it used to. Kinda miss that…in a weird way.
6. “OMG, what am I going to do” thoughts in my soul - Only occurs when I never actually achieve the bliss of REM sleep that people tell me exists.
7. Fix my temperature problems – Turn up the heat and then turn on the AC. What is the best temp to sleep in anyway? Well, I obviously just told you that I am bi-polar in this department and have no idea if I am more comfortable baking or defrosting. I believe this could be an ongoing problem.
8. Work. I need to write a blog post. Hence, why I am doing it now. If not now, I will forget because this is a dream (or nightmare) and they always say to write those sleeping activities down immediately, right? I will just blame “them” whoever “they” are.
9. Check my online dating – always leads to a nightmare.
10. Shop-Retail therapy in the middle of the night is never a good idea. You know? I thought that dress looked a little short but when I received it in the mail my thoughts are confirmed, as it is more suitable for a 9-year-old boy or lady of the night on Sunset and LA Brea. It may also break the bank. My math skills are not that stellar even when I am 100% awake, so you work the numbers (please).
11. Check social media – Root of all evil. Just look where this ended up.
12. Look for the remote control – where is it? Hiding within the sheets I just lost a wrestling match with an hour ago.
Go back to bed. Sleeping is not overrated (and don’t forget to save blog post written in the wee hours of the morning to make sure it is written in English and not yawn or bark). Also, hide credit cards and passwords after 12AM.
Read more funny musings from Melany at her blog, Melany’s Guydlines!